Posts from — October 2008

Skinny Lady found the following paragraph of an entry written by a fellow blogger who calls herself Queef Muffin.

“Fuck you skinny, anorexic whores. These past few days I’ve seen nothing but 90 lb. bitches & frankly I think you cunts need to eat a cheeseburger or two & super size that shit! Excuse me while I eat my double stuff oreos. Assholes.”

What do I have to say to that? The word muffin is in your pseudonym and you’re probably fat. Eat that, bitch.

Magnetic pulse therapy might be the next big thing in treating depression, but honestly, that doesn’t sound like much fun at all. I’d rather have shock therapy. 

Two of my favorite images from a recent campaign rally:

A golden arches sweatshirt. I wonder where you buy one of those?

Fried Twinkies!

My therapist told me I make fun of fat people because I envy their carelessness when it comes to food. She’s absolutely right. I’m sorry fat people. 

Thank you Mom and Dad for:

• my eating disorder
• my perpetual guilt
• my overwhelming sense of responsibility
• my control issues
• my low self esteem
• my anger problems
• my substance abuse
• my mean spirit
• my therapy bill

White supremacy is so 20th century (not only that, it’s also a serious faux pas after Labor Day). However, we at Random Anorexics understand that you need something to hate on, and we feel it our duty of sorts to update you as to what you can (and should) fashionably hate in the 21st century:

• the color pink – because black is new black
• stupid tattoos – and there are tons of ‘em out there
• reality tv – you’re already lacking brain cells, and you don’t want to encourage further losses
• spandex – not even anorexics can pull this material off
• celebrity gossip – because, really, who cares?
• hate – hating on hate is fun and we recommend you try it

One of the top three reasons I smoke is to supress my appetite so the idiots who invented the “liquid smoking” drink should have conducted some focus groups before investing money in such a stupid idea. Why the fuck would I want to consume calories to satisfy my cigarette craving when I’m smoking to stay skinny? It’s contradictory and I bet a lot of anorexic smokers would agree with me.

October 15th was National Pet Obesity Awareness Day, and we missed it! In our defense, there are just too many national food and awareness days to keep up with. It’s hard to be aware of everything all at once, especially when your primary awareness is your starving stomach. Most of the time that’s all we anorexics can think about, but we’re off point.

The point is this: If your pet is obese, it’s probably still really cute because all animals are cute (humans are a different story). Plus, can we really blame animals for their fatness? I have a fat cat who likes to eat, and can I blame her? I would too if I were an animal held captive.