Posts from — September 2009

“I start on a new prescription of Ativan tomorrow. I’ve been flamboyantly excited in anticipation. I’m thinking I can start by enjoying not giving a shit about anything, then go ahead and get addicted, then maybe do Intervention, and finally build a new career as a substance-abuse counselor who has the empathy of personal experience. Yay me!”

– Crazy D., dear friend of Random Anorexics and soon-to-be happy drug addict. As usual, I’m so jealous I could die.

Every morning on my walk to work, I pass a security guard who looks like this:

I’m so fucking jealous I could die. 

I came THIS close to passing out in front of one of my coworkers on Tuesday. It was quite the scene and the general consensus was that whatever the cause, food was the remedy. I have to admit it was actually kind of nice that people were so concerned, but I wanted to tell them that they were all wrong. The true reason I nearly fainted, as far as I’m concerned anyway, is that I had just learned of Patrick Swayze’s death. And as much as I wanted to say, ”LOOK, PEOPLE. FOOD IS NOT GOING TO BRING THE SWAYZE BACK,” I decided to just let people think I’m malnourished.

A woman I know expressed disbelief over a statistic she recently heard: that 60% of Americans are overweight or obese. She was sincerely baffled and exclaimed that she would never expect that to be the case by looking at the people in her workplace. I’ve seen the people in her workplace and I cannot abide such ignorance. So I felt it my duty to inform her that people are, for the most part, fat asses.  She looked at me as though I were the grinch who stole Christmas, and that’s when I snatched the rose-colored glasses off her naive little face and asked her if she still believed in Santa Claus too.

There are few things worse than being fat. Being fat and hungover is one of them. I accidently drank too much wine last night and somehow convinced myself I would still be able to work out in the morning. When my alarm clock went off at 5:15, I got out of bed and then fell immediately back in. I was still drunk and now I’m paying for it with a killer headache and a fat ass. Oh and I want to eat every carbohydrate in sight. I’m going to attempt to stay sober until Thursday.

This past weekend marks the second time I’ve moved in less than six months. I thought I had built up some muscle during the last move, but I think my muscle cells are so starved that they’ve resorted to some kind of cannibalism in there and left me with pretty much next to nothing. So while my 17 year old niece was helping the men move the heavy furniture, I was lifting pillows and blankets and hoping no one would notice.  Now maybe this doesn’t sound so bad to you, but please note that here I am two days after all my hardcore lifting and I’m still so sore I’m practically bedridden.

In a couple weeks, Random Anorexics will officially be middle-aged (in blog years) so we decided our only option was to get a facelift, which explains our new look. We considered putting up images of our own body parts, but then I rememered that we (meaning me) are frauds. I couldn’t possibly reveal my forewrists, muffin top and cankles for free. So unless you have an uncle or a second cousin or a friend of a friend who’d like to pay us to advertise their latest diet scheme on our site, we hope you enjoy the photo of a random woman milking herself into another random woman’s cereal bowl. I’m sorry the cereal bowl is cropped out. Email the Wordpress template creator for
complaints.