Artificial Spray Butter Might Kill Me

I should’ve listened to my husband when he teased about the toxic smell, but anorexia can be a blinding disorder. That’s why, despite his protests, I would pour artificial spray butter on my nightly meal, which always consisted of one of two things: a microwaved potato or a bowl of steamed lima beans. Yes, I would pour on the butter, paying no regard at all to the 5 spray suggested serving. In this way, I went through 1-2 bottles a week, consistently, for at least a year, probably longer.

Something must’ve made me stop. Maybe subconsciously I knew the butter might kill me. It may seem a stretch. I mean, there are habits more obviously destructive than fake butter addiction. But I quit and that was the important thing.

Still, I’ve convinced myself that a tumor is growing in my abdominal cavity. It’s certainly feasible considering the sheer amount of chemicals I’ve ingested. Let’s be honest – spray butter is not a natural substance. It doesn’t come like that from a cow. And now, just as my concern starts to grow, I can’t seem to find the nutrition information on the I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter website. Why the fuck isn’t it posted? What are they trying to hide?

Perhaps I’m overlooking it. But if spray butter is harmless, then why is there so much Internet debate on the subject? Should I see a doctor?