Cheater

My bff is a cheating whore. Behold the following message:

I want to confess that Jane and I shared a giant chocolate strudel from Extraordinary Desserts yesterday (we actually walked in the rain that’s how desperate we were) and I ate so much of it that I felt nauseous. I’m actually eating myself sick at this point. Like a shameless obese person. I’m spinning out of control and I don’t want to get back in control. What should I do?

You know what you should do, Emaciated Lady? Quit acting like a shameless obese person in public. That’s our special private thing.