Confession

Since I’m now officially a chunk, I decided to be really good about starving myself yesterday. For breakfast, I had some Kirkland Signature Premium water and for lunch, a few broccoli florets. It was relatively easy since we had nothing to eat in the house.

At 5, Extra Large Man called to tell me he wouldn’t be home with groceries until later. I was starving at that point and decided that instead of digging into the bag of broccoli, I was going to do what true red-blooded Americans do regularly: I ordered a pizza online. Papa John’s had a special running for an extra large three-topping and I decided that if I asked them to go light on the cheese and monitored how many slices I ate, I would be in the clear. After I placed my order, I called and asked if they could make my pizza thin or wheat crust and I could tell the bastard on the other end of the line was judging me. Apparently, they don’t offer those healthier choices on their extra large crusts.

My pizza arrived a short while later and I swear to God, I ate half of the extra large (that’s five large pieces) before I had a chance to think about the ramifications. Then I called Extra Large Man and told him he’d better show up with ice cream. Not my usual frozen yogurt treat, but the real, creamy, fattening thing. After I polished off my dessert and glass of wine, I spent the rest of the night fretting about how I was going to confess my sins to Skinny Lady and all our fans who look up to us as role models. I’m sorry Skinny Lady and fans. I promise to be better from this day forward.