Random Anorexics

Hot, Fat & Sticky

Skinny Lady — Thu, 27 May 2010 20:24:40 +0000

Humidity is an evil thing. I can always tell the precise amount of water vapor in the air based on how my watch fits in the morning. Today when I went to put on my watch, I felt like I was in an Amazonian jungle strapping an anaconda on my arm. Just look at how swollen my wrist is.

I Judge Not

Skinny Lady — Wed, 19 May 2010 01:21:41 +0000

Today I shared the elevator with a woman who should have been taking the stairs. But she wasn’t, and I was trying not to judge because there I was on the elevator too. Then I glanced down and saw what looked like a small suitcase hanging from one of her arms, except it wasn’t a suitcase. It was her lunchbox, and the reason I know is because it was advertised embroidered on the side like this:

Ummm, I know exactly where her lunch is and I can tell you, the one place it ain’t is that bag. I’m not judging. I’m just sayin’…

Freud Would Be Proud

Skinny Lady — Sat, 08 May 2010 19:41:50 +0000

I know we live in a post-Freudian era where it’s no longer cool to blame our mothers for all that’s wrong in our lives. But I don’t care about being cool, and the honest truth is that my mom is squarely to blame for my self-loathing and generally fucked up mental state. So this year for Mother’s Day, I plan to present my mom with this thoughtful and highly creative death threat gift:

Not So Gratuitous Boob Shot

Skinny Lady — Sun, 18 Apr 2010 01:59:03 +0000

This post is for those of you who feel ugly and dirty after you eat. See those spots in the middle of my chest that look like moles? Those are bits of chocolate that fell down my shirt as I was eating the chocolate off of peanut m&ms, i.e. proof that 1) I need a bib when I eat and 2) I really am a dirty pig.

Do Not Try This at Home

Skinny Lady — Thu, 15 Apr 2010 22:54:47 +0000

Ever heard anyone say that if you want to lose weight, you should take a picture of yourself naked and stick it on the refrigerator? Well, for the first time ever I took a picture of myself naked. Not because I wanted to stick it on the fridge, but because I had actually convinced myself that I probably look better naked than I give myself credit for when I look in the mirror and I figured the camera might provide me with a more objective image. NOPE. So please, people, let my poor judgment serve as an example to you all. Do not try this shit at home.

Skinny Bitch Quote of the Week

Skinny Lady — Wed, 14 Apr 2010 21:02:46 +0000

“I haven’t had a meal, a drink or a cigarette since Sunday and I still haven’t killed anyone.”

– Emaciated Lady, wanting me to congratulate her for making it to day 3 of her 10-day Master Cleanse diet.

The Birds

Skinny Lady — Sun, 04 Apr 2010 22:55:09 +0000

True story: I was sunbathing on my back when I flipped over and noticed two seagulls several feet to my right. Seemed innocent enough. Seagulls usually don’t stick around unless you’re throwing french fries at them (or so I’ve heard), and I didn’t even have any food on me. So no big deal. I closed my eyes and continued to soak up some sun. A few minutes later, I happened to open my eyes to find more than a dozen seagulls encroaching onto the little spot of beach I carved out for myself. I kept closing my eyes hoping they’d disappear or go find someone else to harass, but no – every time I opened my eyes, they seemed to have moved an inch or two closer. It was one of those rare eerie moments that can mean only one of two things: 1) the birds could smell my fat roasting in the sun and wanted to eat me, or 2) Alfred Hitchcock lives.

Bastard

Skinny Lady — Wed, 31 Mar 2010 00:27:30 +0000

I have lost the will to post anything creative or original. I’m unreasonably fat, unseasonably pale and generally tired of life. Oh, and my brother was just diagnosed with cancer. Sadly, the only hope for a positive outcome I have for his ordeal is the hope that I might actually lose a few pounds since the lump in my throat and knots in my stomach make it virtually impossible to eat.

…

Now that I have you all thoroughly depressed, here’s an exciting new recipe from another one of our beloved fans (we’ll call her the “Bastard”):

Eggs and Spinach

Delicious breakfast full of vitamins and 58 cals, 1 gram of fat, 3 grams carbs, and 10 grams protein. Needs fiber though, and one gram of fat will have some people saying I’m a bastard. Anyway, here it is:

1. Lightly spray pan with spray oil. Use only a very small bit.
2. Put 1/4 cup frozen leaf spinach in the pan. Add a dash of garlic powder and stir on medium high heat until cooked.
3. Pour two egg whites on top of spinach and scramble until cooked.
4. Add 1 tbsp 2% mozzarella cheese, remove from heat, and stir to mix in cheese.

Its just complicated enough to make you feel like you are really cooking. Serve with a cup of diet blueberry pomegranate juice to bring the calorie count up to 58.

YUM!

Anorexic Recipe of the Week

Skinny Lady — Wed, 24 Mar 2010 22:37:26 +0000

This recipe is for those of you who are desperate to drop a few ounces from the rear. According to one of our sweet fans, it’s virtually guaranteed to get you going to the “lav” every day. If you’re American and you don’t know what a “lav” is, I’m pretty certain it’s the British equivalent of toilet, powder room or shitter, depending on your personal preference.

The Recipe:

15 grams (1/2 ounce) wheat bran - not bran cereal with added anything – just plain bran, the one that’s under 200 calories/100g and is usually hidden by the really weird health food items
100g (3 ounces) any low fat yoghurt that’s under 90c for that amount - cherry flavour is best, or vanilla
one good-sized scoop of lo-cal drinking choccie, or a sachet of one that’s under 40c

Boil some water and soak the bran for at least 15 minutes. Stir it into the yoghurt and chocolate, and let it all mix up really nicely. Wash it down with a big glass of plain green tea (no milk, honey or – LARD). It’s 160 calories to be sure, but you’re golden to be doing a dump sometime in the next 24 hours as long as you’re drinking plenty of water!

Hungry Person Quote of the Week

Skinny Lady — Sat, 20 Mar 2010 14:15:32 +0000

“‘Life,’ said Emerson, ‘consists in what a man is thinking all day.’ If that be so, then my life is nothing but a big intestine. I not only think about food all day, but I dream about it all night.”

– Henry Miller in Tropic of Cancer