Fuck My Life
Skinny Lady just introduced me to FMyLife, the most genius website since Random Anorexics and Toothpaste For Dinner. I briefly browsed through the submitted FMLs and came across what I possibly think is the best one ever:
“Today, I told my mom I am bulimic and have been for a few years and that I need help. She responded by saying “Well that’s clearly not working for you. Why don’t you try anorexia.” She then patted me on my head, smiled, and walked away. FML”
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This one is pretty good too.
“Today, I decided to eat at this new cafe near my apartment. When I sat down a super flamboyant waiter came up to me and asked for my order. I asked him what he recommended. He said “to be honest honey, you could go for the salad.” I just got out of an eating disorders rehab and put on 30 pounds. FML”
My answer to that would be to mull about what’s on the menu and say “I will take the anorexia to go – with a diet coke.”
“Today, I went to my doctor for a check-up before my Caribbean vacation. He informed me I am overweight for my height and should “eat better, exercise, and lose the excess weight.” I just returned from rehab for bulimia a month ago. My vacation was a celebration of overcoming my eating disorder. FML”
Poor show.
Today, my friends approached me and accused me of being anorexic cause i’ve dropped a lot of weight lately. I swore to them that i wasn’t anorexic. They jokingly asked “Do you have cancer or something?” All i could do was stare at my feet. That wasn’t exactly how i wanted them to find out. FML
Oh my god… I think I’m gonna cry.
My dad once said ‘I would rather have you not eat than to be throwing up. Whenever you get the urge to binge and throw up, just don’t eat instead’. Inside my head I just said ‘Thank you daddy. Now I have permission.’
I just smiled and sipped on my black coffee. My dad apparently likes my eating disorder almost as much as I do. I think our relationship just got closer at that beautiful moment. To that I say FML?
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