Husbands, Obey Your Wives
I was naive to think that certain duties were implied in my marriage vows and I’m pretty sure it’s too late to revise them. My husband should not only be required to love me for richer or poorer, through sickness and in health – he should also be required to massage my back when I fucking ask him to. Take last night, for instance. We crawled into bed and I lovingly requested that he give my shoulders a little rub. I wasn’t asking him to pull out a massage table and an Enya CD, but that’s what you’d have thought given the quickness with which he denied my request.
Too bad I wasn’t letting the bastard off that easy. I was desperate so I tried to guilt him. I told him that my new office set up is not very ergonomic, and it’s liable to cause severe scoliosis if he doesn’t help to counter the negative effects. But he’s an unsympathetic husband. His solution: exercise. He informed me that I need to tone up – not because I’m “flabby,” but because I’m “soft.” Um, SAME FUCKING THING. He should know better to say such things to me by now. A smart man should obey his wife, and I’m sure the court will agree when I state that as my grounds for divorce.
6 comments
Love your tags for this post!
I hear you hun, believe it or not I follow you blog for my daily dose of sanity, oh for a Stepford husban eh.
here is something a single friend sent me the other day…I think it was supposed to be a joke, but I am not sure a saw the funny side.
Once upon a time a guy asked a girl, “Will you marry me?”
The girl said, “No!”
And the girl lived happily ever after and went shopping, dancing, camping, drank whole bottles of wine, always had a clean house, never had to cook, did whatever the hell she wanted, never argued, didn’t get fat, travelled lots, had many lovers, didn’t save money, and had all the hot water to herself. She went to the theatre, never watched sports, never wore fricken lacy lingerie that went up her bum, had high self esteem, never cried or yelled and felt and looked fabulous all the time.
- THE END
You should tell him to get some exercise and walk on your back.
wait until he wants sex or a blow job. refuse as swiftly as he did, then sweetly recommend he goes for a fucking jog to ease his mounting frustrations.
that ought to rip it right up him, lovey.
sativana- marraige doesn’t make a girl fat darling, being a disgusting, lazy greedy oinker is the reason for that.
xx
“Soft”! I slapped my husband when he said that to me. He said “you’re skinny because you don’t eat, but you’re soft and squishy because you don’t work out”. Soft and squishy? A smart man would only use the word “soft” when referring to his wife’s skin, not her muscle tone!
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