Pinch THIS!

I don’t know what asshole invented the body fat caliper, but whoever it was deserves to die a fat death. The reason I even bring this up is because I received a promotional offer from Bally’s Fitness yesterday, and I have a mind to tell them where to shove it.

It was at Bally’s that I had my first and last body fat measurement – I was 25 and in decent shape given that I was training for a half marathon. Please note that I am somewhere in the ballpark of  5′10”-5′11″ tall, and at the time I weighed 144 lbs. If I weighed that much today, I’d be suicidal but that’s because I’m fucked up, and I blame some of my fucked upness on what happened during my orientation with a douchebag trainer there.

After some pinching, poking, prodding, tape measuring, and a good sizing up and down, he declared his professional opinion: I needed to lose 15 inches and 24 lbs. If I had a spine, I would’ve grabbed the caliper claw of death from his beefcake hand and pinched him where it really matters.