Rules of the Scale

It’s important to start the New Year off right, and what better place to start than the bathroom scale? Hopefully, you got the digital one you asked for for Christmas. If not, to hell with Santa – go charge one on your credit card. Another $25-50 isn’t going to throw you into bankruptcy.

Once you have your scale, there are certain rules that must be followed. Anyone with a serious eating disorder knows this. The rules of the scale are as follows:

1. Never, ever weigh yourself with your clothes on. That means underwear off too. In fact, remove from your body anything that might add even an ounce of weight – jewelry, glasses, bobby pins.
2. Never weigh yourself at night. Always do it in the morning after your bladder and bowels are completely empty.
3. Weigh yourself daily so you can keep track of the slightest fluctuations. Every tenth of a pound matters.
4. Don’t trust the first reading. Always weigh a second time. This is the number that determines whether you have a good or bad day, so make sure it’s accurate.
5. Keep your scale in a private sacred place. Respect it. Revere it. Pray to it.