I had an appointment to have a small cyst removed from my head the other day, and I’ll admit I looked forward to it with some excitement. Nor was I disappointed. Immediately upon excision, the doctor’s nurse held the little nugget in front of my face and exclaimed, “CONGRATULATIONS!!!” At first I thought I had given birth to a bouncing baby boy. But when I saw that my baby nugget was actually dead on arrival, I realized she could only be talking about the weight loss that accompanies the birth of a little one. Unfortunately (or fortunately), there are no scales at my dermatologist’s office but if I had to guess, I’d say I lost at least 1/2 a gram that day.

I saw the strangest looking baby the other day. Bald, big-boned, no more than 15 months old and with a sort of severe expression on his face, he resembled a grown man more than he did a toddler. It was such a freakish sight that I stood there frozen, staring at him as though he were an attraction in a circus sideshow, when suddenly I had a vision of his future. It wasn’t pretty, and all I can say is, thank god I’m not his mother:

Thanks to Crazy D for the pic!