“You make death sound like such an ugly thing.”

– Me, in response to my friend Crazy D, who was trying to lift me out of a morbid slump by highlighting the dark side of death, namely that dead bodies bloat (the horror!) and stink.

Holidays are usually the best excuse to indulge in sugar cookies and alcohol. Luckily for me, I could give two shits about St. Patrick’s day. So while everyone else will be busy getting fat and bloated on cheap, green beer, I’m going to gorge on 300 calories. It’s the one holiday I can feel superior.

Every single weekend I forget I have an eating disorder and binge on starchy foods. I gain 3-4 pounds and spend all day Monday feeling bloated and hungry. It’s tough to get back into starving when you spent the last two days ingesting 2,000 calories. I think this means I’m only anorexic Monday through Friday.