“Don’t take this the wrong way, but you are a sad specimen of physical health and fitness.”

- Skinny Man, not more than an hour after enjoying a feast of quinoa stuffed bell peppers I made exclusively for him. Next time I’ll remember to add a little rat poison.

We all know Emaciated Lady has issues and now I know why. Upon landing in California last week for a visit, I was taken to her parents’ house where a veritable feast awaited me. Emaciated Lady’s parents are immigrants and hospitality in their culture is apparently measured by how much you can make a guest binge eat. So I did my best to indulge them, taking a little bit of everything that was vegetarian.

It was sweet of her mom to accommodate me, especially considering her dad’s attitude toward meat, which became clear about halfway through the meal. He looked at me and in a thick accent asked, “Why you don’t eat meat? Don’t you know God put the animals on the earth for us to kill and eat and barbeque them? That must be why you so skinny.” Of course, I took this latter statement as a great compliment. But I also wanted to correct him with, “No, the reason I’m so skinny is because I starve.”

For the final evening of Bingefest ‘09, Emaciated Lady and I decided to go all out – gourmet Mexican style. We were like drug addicts before entering rehab, and we viewed this as an opportunity for one last bender before returning to starvation. So we ordered a veritable feast of sweet corn tamales, enchiladas, spicy potatoes, jalepeno corn bread, a couple of margaritas and chips & salsa:

After about 4.3 minutes, this is what the scene looked like:

It was a shame that the rice wasn’t vegetarian. And if that corn husk weren’t so tough, we’d have eaten that too.

I was able to neglect my pangs of hunger all day so I can consume my daily caloric intake of 1,079 in one meal. Tonight I will feast!