I’m an extremely jealous anorexic. For example, my coworker got a tumor removed from her salivary gland last week and I couldn’t help but be envious about all the weight she would lose after her surgery. If I were to ever grow a tumor, I hope it would be in my stomach or throat to prevent me from eating.

And last night, after a decadent Mexican dinner complete with margaritas and a joint, I was green with jealousy as I watched Skinny Lady puke up all the calories she consumed. 

I feel like a failure.