I have just been informed that fat is no longer fat. Well, actually it is, but don’t call it that. Fat people deserve their own set of PC terms too, so try to avoid using terms like fat, obese, chunky, dumpy, bulging and gargantuan. Using any of these will only characterize you as an insensitive and prejudicial, skinny asshole.

Instead, refer to fat people as:

• rotund – not fat, just round
• swole – a little swollen, that’s all
• thickset – the opposite of thinset
• brawny – sturdy and strong, much like the paper towels
• husky – really furry, like a siberian husky
• bulky – above average in size and who’s opposed to anything above average?
• portly – sweet, like Santa Claus (who, btw, is truly an obese bastard and poor role model)

1) What’s the opposite of “anorexic”?

Obese, Amy B. The answer is obese. And if you look in the mirror and don’t see an obese person staring back at you, the problem isn’t in the mirror. It’s in your head, and it’s called body dysmorphic disorder. Anyone with a credible eating disorder knows this. In the future, please do some fucking research before asking stupid questions.

2) What’s the obesity epidemic doing to anorexics?

To the person who searched this question (thank you, Google Analytics),

The obesity epidemic pisses us off for two reasons: 1. It steals our spotlight. 2. It makes us envious because we wish we could eat like fat people. On the other hand, our strict adherence to calorie restriction and zealous determination to be skinny give us a great sense of superiority. Our sheer strength of will, not to mention our skeletal physiques, make us better than fat people and we pride ourselves on this fact.

We are always happy to answer your questions, even if they are stupid or obvious. Please address your inquiries to: Skinny and Emaciated Ladies, Random Anorexics, Go Fuck Youself, USA.

October 15th was National Pet Obesity Awareness Day, and we missed it! In our defense, there are just too many national food and awareness days to keep up with. It’s hard to be aware of everything all at once, especially when your primary awareness is your starving stomach. Most of the time that’s all we anorexics can think about, but we’re off point.

The point is this: If your pet is obese, it’s probably still really cute because all animals are cute (humans are a different story). Plus, can we really blame animals for their fatness? I have a fat cat who likes to eat, and can I blame her? I would too if I were an animal held captive.

And I’m kind of tired of it. I don’t want to hear about a liberal media bias when there’s clearly an obesity bias that no one is talking about. Everyday there’s a breaking news story about the obesity epidemic – I must’ve seen a dozen different obesity-related headlines this week alone.

But what about us anorexics? We’re probably just as fucked up or more. Don’t we deserve some of the media spotlight too? Is our situation not so dire? If you prick us, do we not bleed?

Or Skinny Lady’s distorted-sense-of-self-portrait. Behold:

Or I have severe body dysmorphic disorder. Last night my husband took a picture of me and my mom together. For some reason, I thought it would be a good idea to take off my jacket, revealing my arms in a short sleeve shirt. Big mistake. If a picture is worth a thousand words, that picture would say, “look at my obese arms, look at my obese arms, look at my obese arms, look at my obese arms, look at my obese arms…” You get the idea.

The rate of obesity-related death and diseases continue to grow and yet there are organizations trying to promote “big is beautiful” by sponsoring a Miss Plus America pageant. Now I’m not one to judge since I do the opposite of eat, which I’m sure is considered unhealthy by some standards, but seriously??? [Read more →]