I just came back from lunch and I overdid it in the most disgusting way. I stuffed my face with a veggie burger, onion rings AND french fries all while sitting next to a group of truly emaciated Europeans. You’d think I’d be too shame stricken to top off my meal with frozen yogurt, but I wasn’t. I even added peanuts and cookie dough bites.

How, you might ask, can I gorge on such crap when I’m teetering on the brink of obesity? Because my new foolproof diet begins today at 5:00 p.m. The cigarette and wine diet is the only one that works when I’m desperate — and I’m DESPERATE.

Don’t worry. I won’t forget to take my vitamins.

This is us eating. Not something we do very often, but here we are caught in the act. We know this is a disturbing image, and we’re sorry for those of you who are disgusted. Trust us, we are too. But in our defense, it was a social occasion so we HAD to eat. We did split a veggie burger and a salad though, and it wasn’t our fault the damned kitchen staff added a heaping pile of tater tots, which, to our credit, we couldn’t even finish. But maybe that was because we were loaded up on alcohol. Either way…

Photo Credit: Thanks, Muffin Man!