Ungrateful
Every year Americans give thanks for the same old cliche bullshit. This Thanksgiving I’ve decided to take a different approach by listing a few things I’m not thankful for…
Number 1: Food. I’m sure this is taboo to say, but it’s true. I could use a little starvation, and I know there are people out there who need food more than I do. Why can’t my portion to go to them?
Number 2: Family, especially my mother who goes to great lengths to ensure that she makes my life as miserable as she has made her own.
Number 3: Friendships, particularly in the workplace because inevitably they translate into regular lunches out.
Number 4: Fat. It may have once served an evolutionary purpose, but now it only serves to hinder my ass from fitting into size 2 jeans.
Number 5: Fleas. I tried to do a good thing by rescuing some homeless kittens and it came back to bite me in the ass. Literally.
For those of you who may read this and think that I’m an ungrateful, unpatriotic bitch, you may have something there. Of course, you can go shove a turkey thigh up your ass if you don’t like it. To the rest of you, have a happy thanksgiving and try not to get fat.
10 comments
eeeewww. i hate fleas. i’m allergic and i end up with weeping great welts of oozing filth. they take forever to disappear.
i hide in my wardrobe with vodka and a beach towel to scream into hysterically…
I’m lucky that I escaped this holiday – I live in Australia. Woot.
Kitties (noooooo, not you, Kitty) need fles drops. i want wine. Would rather have wine than a whole Turkey dinner…bleh. Not gonna happen…FML.
i am thankful for you ladies…my favotite blog ever!!!!!
Agreed; thanksgiving has too much food and alcohol which results in family violence and shame. However I am still thankful for some things… I am thankful for the internet as it allows me to connect with others who share the same sentiment.
I’m lucky I don’t have thanksgiving here
Though xmas is a whole other story, all those gingerbread houses and cookies – i don’t think I’ll be able to survive :O
Oh my gosh, I can’t believe I have gone so long without penciling in forced time to read your blog. Here Here to your list.
Is Skinny Dog also affected by the fleas!?
Whoa. Where did your blog come from? I just stumbled upon it. Fantab! Super post.
I am not thankful for the multiple social parties of the holiday season that all center around partaking in food and drink (or faking it) in order to not be rude.
tracy- oh i don’t know…maybe if i flea drop myself those little fuckers won’t munch on me.
it isn’t that surprising that they like to dine on my ankles, i’m soooo delicious…
Must agree, Kitty, you are abfab and soooo delicious. Now, are you going to share that vodka or what? : )
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